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  • Ayn Cates Sullivan

Ayn's Newsletter - Women and Men Evolve Differently - Isn't That Wonderful?

Dear --

During the holidays we may face certain pressures that require our maturation and growth. This is the perfect time of year to practice self-loving and mutual respect. This newsletter addresses many of the inquiries I have received from my readers and students during the past few days. It is longer than my usual newsletter and blogs because there is so much to cover. You can scroll though the bold print and when you have time, make a cup of warm lemon water or tea, and inquire with me into the nature of relationships, love and Self-Realization.


Understanding our unique preferences can take the pressure off relationships. My husband and I have come to understand that women and men evolve and awaken differently. We respect and learn from each other's practices. It requires so much sensitivity and loving kindness to simply be with what is arising within our own consciousness. Yet it demands an open and undefended heart to allow our special other to simply be who they are in the present moment.

John Patrick Sullivan and I often remind each other that while he prefers to merge with the emptiness, I like to embody and dance my rainbow radiance dance. Both explorations are quite wonderful and mutually supportive. He is drawn to the Diamond Approach and the teachings of A.H. Almaas. Meanwhile I love life, colors, creative interaction and have followed a variety of teachers and paths. After my light activation I continued to simply work directly with the intelligence of the Light. John Patrick loves the timeless, empty space of the Absolute. He practices meditation and inquires with students who wish to deepen their Realization. Visit his website for more details:


My practice is that of an author, spiritual psychologist and inter-faith minister who also works with students wishing to broaden their connection with the Infinite Light so that they may embody and live creative, abundant and fulfilling lives. I particularly love working with women and men who wish to awaken to the inner feminine. By the way, this type of activation can make men very attractive. When the feminine energies descend, a new world can open up for us!

We must keep in mind that the feminine is a sacred vessel for life,

a holy grail.

She must evolve and awaken differently

because her task is unlike that of a man.

A woman is constantly creating and bringing new creations to the earth.

Often people ask me if they can be in a relationship when they are also committed to a spiritual life. I encourage love and sacred union whole heartedly. I believe that awakening with a partner is a brave, noble and fulfilling way to practice the art of living. Loving, marrying and having families to raise and explore life with can be incredibly sacred.


One of the most important roles on earth is that of the mother.

Clearly there are many ways for the feminine within all of us to bring life into this world. We can give birth in many ways. Some women choose to have families, in which case not only does a woman birth her children, she also becomes their guardian for twenty years or longer. Both parents play important and pivotal roles as children learn and grow throughout life. The more aware and present a mother is with her children, the more likely it is that the children will thrive. I will leave the discussion of a male's position up to my partner and other men to share, but I will say that when I feel loved, supported, honored and cherished, it is much easier for me to be fully with my children as they grow, mature and become world citizens.

Caring for our children,

as well as our inner child,

teaches us presence, patience

and can be our gift back to Creation.


Many women come to see me upset because they have been told that their ego needs to die so they can awaken spiritually. Sometimes they are holding their own bodies and weeping because they intuitively know that what they have been told by a guru or spiritual teacher is incorrect for their own bodies. Ego death is very misunderstood and can be very harmful. What we are really speaking about is a metamorphosis from a caterpillar into a butterfly.

Let’s be very clear about this.

The ego is not a mistake.

The personality self gives us a place to operate from in the world.

With spiritual practice

the personality becomes filled with light

and we naturally become more identified

with our Higher Self.

Love your self as you are right now

and you might sprout very colorful wings!

If we did not have any type of form or structure we would be merged consciousness with no awareness of self. The wise mother carries a baby, helps this young being develop a body, an ego, a psyche and maintain a healthy connection with creation. The structure of our personality gives us a wonderful opportunity to explore and realize our wild, radical and unique self that is separate and yet part of all that is. The first half of our lives needs to focus on the development of a healthy ego and a full exploration of life. Some people in the later half of their lives have a call towards spirit. This is normal because we are beginning to merge back in with source. It's a natural process and there need be nothing frightening about gazing upon the loving light that brought us into the world and that will lead us to our next adventure. We are loved beyond belief.


When we begin to awaken it is very helpful to have a teacher who is aligned and attuned to our optimal unfoldment. When undirected, aspirants may try to detach, disassociate and attempt a spiritual bypass of their personality so they don't have to feel or take responsibility for their lives. This actually slows down the evolution of consciousness. Maturity requires the metabolization of everything that life brings us, whether we view it as good, bad or otherwise. In truth, it is less dualistic than we think.

The true spiritual warrior

touches the Infinite Light, embodies this greater Intelligence

and then lives in a relational way with all sentient beings.

If you look around the world, what we really need are people

who have tapped into their internal greater Light

and have become increasingly embodied

and present as a result!

Let’s drop the outdated ideas that there is something inherently wrong with our ego, or with the feminine, or with the natural world. If we really engage in desire, then ultimately we will desire truth. So wish, want and desire!


If we are identified with suffering then we might want to examine what it is within us that keeps us limited and is holding us back from our optimal unfoldment. As we become increasingly curious we might find that there are certain aspects of ourselves that can dissolve so that we can taste and experience greater freedom. Over time we might be less identified with our small self and more identified with our essential self or Higher Self. It’s a process. Awakening takes time, love and an incredible amount of understanding.

Having a partner as a mirror

is an incredible blessing

and when we support each other

the awakening can be rich and deeply fulfilling.

It is time for the sacred feminine to descend and embody, to offer us hope and meaning. The ancient goddess embraces all aspects of birth, life, maturation and death. She is aware of the cycles of nature and choses to work in alignment with them. Trees, wells, springs, stones and flowers are alive and have healing energies. If you can go to a sacred place in nature today, thank all of existence for your body, for your ego, for your psyche and your incredible place on this dear earth. Thank the water for flowing and thank the Infinite Light for every small detail of your life! Gratitude supports awakening. Thankfulness supports life.


I will be reading from my latest book, Voices of the Goddess at The Santa Ynez Valley Grange, 2374 Alamo Pintado Ave, Los Olivos at the flag pole in on Dec 7 between noon-5pm. It is not a spiritual event, but a gathering of creative people from all walks of life. Remember that the goddess and heroine embraces it all, because she knows everything and everyone are part of her. There will be singing, art, poetry and mulled cider. I hope you can come and enjoy the creative fun or that you will listen to the recording which I will post after the reading to my events page:

Check my events page or email for more details about my next public readings.

Many blessings for the holidays and beyond,


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